Heartfelt Thanks

   The Undertakers and Funeral Directors Guild of America would like to extend their heartfelt thanks to the National Rifle Association.

   Their tireless efforts to preserve our sacred Second Amendment rights† have brought windfall profits to us over the years. On the occasion of your annual “Celebration of American Values” taking place in the beautiful city of St. Louis we are honored to show our appreciation for all the NRA has done for us. (Sales in small and mid-sized caskets have been particularly brisk, thanks in no small part to the policies of the NRA.)

   Thank you, again, gentlemen for your good work. May God continue to smile upon your endeavors.

   Tod Kaufmann

   President of the Undertakers and Funeral Directors Guild of America

† The right to not merely bear arms, but to bear more arms than human arms can physically bear; the right to purchase guns whenever and wherever good Patriots like without restrictions; the right to purchase a flame-thrower or bazooka if need be to protect one's Freedom from the tyranny of the state; the right to have as many bullets in a clip as a Patriot, not the Government, decides is necessary . . .